10 Vows your Bride Wants to Hear; a 23 year-old Divorcée’s Perspective

Wedding season is quickly approaching and you might feel a bit freaked out and overwhelmed when it comes to writing your vows. Odds are, your bride probably has an idea of what she longs to hear from you on her wedding day.

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You may have decided to write your own vows or at least adjust them to fit your life; if so, check out this list:

  1. I promise to fight for you and for us; even when it feels like I should be on the other team.
  2. I promise to pursue you above all else.
  3. I promise to hold you in my arms on cold nights, after hard days, during times of joy, and during times of pain.
  4. I swear to hold onto us even when I feel like letting go.
  5. I vow to stand beside you through it all, to lead you through what comes our way, and to protect you, to the best of my ability, from the rain of life.
  6. I promise to be open and honest with you about my expectations of our marriage.
  7. I will listen to you when you come to me with your worries; I will do my damnedest to not invalidate your feelings, but to try to understand why you feel that way. And when I have worries of my own, I will share them with you.
  8. I promise to try my hardest at being the husband, friend, and partner that you need me to be.
  9. I will make decisions that affect us and our family, with our best interest at heart and without leaving you in the dark.
  10. I promise to love you, even when if I don’t think you deserve it, because you are my wife and therefore deserve a soft spot in my heart, even when it feels like stone.

Every bride has the dream of what her betrothed will say to her while vowing to love her, but words are empty if you don’t mean them. So before compiling your vows, look at each one and determine if you can honestly say, at the end of each day you will fulfill these to the best of your ability.

It’s easy to make promises you don’t intend to keep, because the words taste too damn sweet as the dance across your tongue. If you’re vowing to love her; love her. If you’re promising to fight fair; fight fair. I would much rather hear you promise to try to not eat all of my ice cream when I’m asleep in bed, or that you’ll at least think about letting me know you’ve decided to shave your head entirely bald because you found a gray hair, before you actually do it than hear you say pretty words, just because they’re pretty.

Be realistic; don’t promise to never let your relationship change. Promise instead to change with it. Promise to still love your bride, even when she’s sick and sniffly; even when the kids have been so crazy lately that she hasn’t showered in 5 days. (That would be a great time to draw a bath and send her in for some alone time, just sayin’)

Whatever you promise to you beloved; mean it. Do your best to fulfill those vows you made to each other. Put the other’s needs ahead of your own; that’s love and it sure as hell isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort. The right one is always worth the effort.

-LP

Things I Learned This Week 1.3

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  1. People don’t always live up to your expectations. It’s taken me quite some time to really learn that you cannot be upset if someone doesn’t do or say what you want from them, especially without telling them what it is you want. Jordan Peterson had some great thoughts on this topic, namely, if you cannot figure out what it is you want, how can you expect your partner to?
  2. Life is rough. There’s no way to sugarcoat the fact that you’re going to get kicked in the ass a few times throughout your life. Ha, did I say “a few”? I mean like every damn day; that’s more realistic.
    NOTE TO SELF: Muscle through it.
  3. I still have the same basic thoughts I had way back when.  Unfortunately, I don’t have any answers yet..
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  4. You can’t eat only potatoes when you’re sick. So I’m chowing down on broccoli and pork tonight. The illness that has been circulating throughout the office since before I was even hired, finally won. I was going so strong, but now I’m stuffy and sneezy and sick. Boo.
  5. Love happens unexpectedly. Okay, I might have learned this about 2.5 months ago, but this past week solidified it even more. The boyf and I have been reminiscing on how the entirety of our relationship began and I have to say, it makes my heart flutter. Just sitting here thinking about all of the feelings I felt the first time we spoke makes me smile more than I dare admit. What can I say? I’m a lucky girl to have such an amazing man.

Learn all you can.

-LP

I am Ordinary, so are You

“Pumpkin, you’re smarter than the average bear.” – Dad

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But what if I’m not? What if I’m all-in-all, pretty damn average? 

I’ll be the first to admit that when someone calls me “average,” a little piece of myself dies. I want to pretend that I’m exemplary; that I am “smarter than the average bear.” I’m sure I’m not alone in the desire to want to feel special. I want to pretend that my thoughts are unique; my dreams are entirely my own, and that one day I’ll achieve them. Realistically, the odds of becoming the next great American author are pretty damn low, but that doesn’t mean that I should give up.

Just because you’re average doesn’t mean you can’t do great things.

I might never become a household name; I might never amount to much more than average, but that doesn’t make my experiences any less amazing. The boyf said it best; the fact that he is average doesn’t take away from his experiences, the love he has for his family, or the love he feels for me. He might be pretty ordinary, but to me, he’s pretty damn magical. To me, he’s extraordinary in the most normal kind of way.

The relationship we have is unique; who would have thought that two, pretty average people, could experience something so great? Not I.

I’m okay with being average; I’m okay with being in the middle of the bell graph of life. Most of us are, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have unique and amazing experiences. We all have our own uniquenesses to us; the fact that we all have something special about us, shows us how similar we all are. I’m sure you’ve got passions; you’ve got goals and dreams, just like I do. We might even have the exact same ones, but for different reasons. We might have different goals and dreams, but for the same reasons. We are perfectly unique in such a normal kind of way.

In Grey’s Anatomy where Ellis Grey is lucid and so completely distraught at the fact that Meredith is “ordinary;” she goes as far as saying “Imagine my disappointment when I wake up after five years and discover that you’re no more than ordinary.” It’s like a stab to the heart for Meredith and we can feel the heartbreak she’s feeling because we, too, want to be more than ordinary. We want to feel exceptional. We long to feel rare and unexpected.

Now I’m not saying that we are all alike in every aspect of our lives, but we do all have some major similarities and I kind of love that.  

You were created by a man and a woman. You came into the world the same way I did. You’re going to fall in love, just like I did. You’re going to hurt, just like I do. You’ve got a heart that sets the tone of your life, just like me. You’re ordinary, just like I am. That makes us pretty damn great, dontcha think?

There’s something beautiful in our normalcy.

-LP

P.S. If you’re a fan of Grey’s Anatomy, wine, and taco bell; head on over to my place. I could use a nice long Netflix binge with ya!

It’s Time to Grow Up

11 things I want to do before I turn 24

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  1. Get ONE piece published. Just one! I think that’s reasonable right?!
  2. Nurse some bottle babies. I cannot wait until Spring. Apparently, my office is notorious for getting litters of newborn kittens and we get to take a few home and nurse them throughout the night. The cat lady in me is about to die just thinking about some snuggly babes sleeping in their little kitty bed on my nightstand. *swoon*
  3. Get a massage. I’ve never gotten one and you know what, I’m freaking doing it. I’ve alway been hella nervous about being naked under nothing but a towel with some random person rubbing oil on my body… but I’m stressed to the max and I want something relaxing.
  4. Buy some “adult” clothing. I probably shouldn’t spend every day off in leggings or jeans and sweaters. I need something snazzy and something that I can be both comfortable and sassy in. I’m thinking dresses. Lots and lots of dresses.
  5. Get rid of all of my CRAP. I have an entire storage unit that I share with my dear old, soon-to-be ex-husband. I literally need none of it, but somehow it’s still there. I don’t need the baggage, I mean that both literally and figuratively. Looks like there’s gonna be a garage sale this summer! Come on by to purchase some old scratched and dented dreams.
  6. Learn enough Finnish to get by in Finland. Just a smidge! I need to know how to say “where’s the bathroom? Where’s the train? Can you take me here?” You know.. the basics.
  7. Get my passport. This is a necessary task in order to head on over to Finland. So this is a definite must.
  8. Buy myself a pretty necklace or ring. It’s been a while since I bought myself something beautiful. And I’m a fan of delicate, beautiful things. Unfortunately most of my jewelry box is filled with things I don’t want to keep and things I don’t wear. I need something new.
  9. Buy a sturdy piece of luggage. The few pieces I have are super heavy and bulky, all black, and one is actually broken! I need something new and snazzy if I’m going to be traveling back and forth between the mitten and Finland. Let’s be real here… I don’t need to lose all of my belongings on the trip over.
  10. Take a mini road trip on my own. I want to have fun and explore a new spot of Michigan on my own. I think it would be great to be able to spend a couple days on Mackinac Island or somewhere in the U.P. on my own. I’d get to experience different things that you can’t do when you go with another person.
  11. Have faith in myself. I want to stop questioning my every decision. I need to start feeling more solidified in my decisions and in my future.

I’ve got goalz, they may be far-fetched, but they’re mine.

-LP

Get Your Lovin’ On

Love is about more than gifts; more than words.

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There are countless commercials, coupons, and sales telling you how you have to buy your galpal or guy something that will just blow their mind, but it’s really not that important. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never be unhappy to receive a bouquet of flowers, but I’d rather have your time; so if you’re stumped on what to get or what to do for that special someone, fret not! Hope is not lost.

Skip the flashy gifts and go for something more meaningful.

Write them a letter. Express how you feel for them. Tell them how your heart beats to the sound of theirs, how their smile could melt the icecaps, and by golly, you’re in love with them. Let me tell ya, a handwritten letter is so underrated; it’s the perfect way to show them that you’re willing to take the time out of your day to put pen to paper with them on your mind.

Show them you love them, don’t just tell them. Yeah, I know, I just told you to write them a love letter, which you should totally do! That being said, it can be hard to understand why your partner is feeling less than overjoyed when it comes to your relationship, but remember that saying “I love you” isn’t enough. You have to show them. Your actions are essential. They can be used to reinforce the love you speak of or they can destroy the illusion you’ve been creating. So show them you love them, however you know how.

Send them a song that means something. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m easily wooed by music. For me, music always means so much more than what’s on the surface. The song you share doesn’t have to be overtly romantic, it can be anything you like and anything that you know will make their heart pitter-patter. Don’t be afraid to get cheesy! For instance Grow Old with Me by Adam Sandler is one of my absolute favorite love songs. If you need an idea on what to send, listen to it!

 

Touch them tenderly. Push the stray lock of hair behind her ear. Kiss his forehead. Trace the outline of their lips with your finger. The simplest of touches can make your lover go weak in the knees. I’m not an overly touchy-feely person, but the thought of his hand resting on the side of my face makes my heart beat fast, so give it a try.

Prepare a meal together. You don’t have to go out to a fancy restaurant to have a romantic evening, instead make a meal you both like. Obviously this depends on the personality of your loved one, but my ideal date is a night spent in pajamas and under a fluffy blanket. Sure, getting all dressed up and heading out to dinner is a nice treat, but why not skip the crowds and spend the evening just the two of you? Buy a bottle of snazzy wine or even champagne, eat something delicious, and spend the night wrapped up together.

There are countless ways to show love to those around you.

Valentine’s Day may be geared towards lovebirds, but don’t forget about the other loved ones in your life. Give your momma a call. Tell your dad how much you care for him. Show a stranger happiness and love today. Hold the door open for the fella behind you; smile at people as they pass you on the street. Give others the benefit of the doubt and most importantly, show them love. Appreciate all the ways you’ve been shown love in your life, take that feeling, and share it with someone else. Realize that the act of being selfless and loving others will return to you.

Remember you are loved, all day, every day.

-LP

P.S. Happy first Valentine’s Day to the snazziest fella I know. You’re a dreamboat.

Things I Learned This Week 1.2

Sometimes I learn things.

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For instance; this week I learned:

  1. Some people won’t take ‘NO’ for an answer. And quite frankly, it’s up to you to make them. I’ve learned that backing down only allows them to think that they can continue to bully their way through life and get whatever they want. It’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to those who encounter them, so when someone sassily tries to get you to bend to their will, stand tall!
  2. We’re basically a dream team. My guy and I are super awesome. Have I told you that yet? No? We’re buds in the best way possible. We both manage to think of the exact same abstract jokes, we’re both pretty snazzy, at least he is, and let’s just say he’s the coolest cat I know, so I can be cool through association. He has the ability to make me feel joy even on the hard days; I hope I can do that for him, too. Having a person you love as a pal is a glorious thing. Also, he’s basically bombtastic at dealing with me and all of my emotions when I’m PMSing. Way to go, babe!
  3. Sometimes the simplest thing can make a hurting person hurt less. On Tuesday, we had a client come in who found out his kitty was in the late stages of congestive heart failure and there was nothing we could do. It’s not easy to lose a beloved pet, so I sat beside him, held his hand and told him it would be okay while he sat staring blankly ahead as his companion passed. The next day, we got a call from him, thanking me by name. It really touched my heart in ways I had never experienced before. Although it cost me nothing more than my time, it meant a lot to him and that’s all that really matters.
  4. Some cats are more affectionate than dogs. I know, you probably think that this is like super, hella false, but it’s not! And if you should believe anyone, it would be the gal who works with cats LITERALLY all day long for about 45+ hours a week. Some kitties need lots of love and attention, some want to bite your face off; it’s all about balance.
  5. The saying “where there’s a will, there’s a way” is accurate! I don’t know about you, but sometimes I’ve got doubts floating around in this noggin’ of mine. I tell myself that there’s no way I can complete a project on time, or handle the credits I’m taking, or work full-time, write a blog, and somehow magically ace my classes (fingers crossed that the last one actually happens); but you know what?! Doubting yourself doesn’t make it any easier to succeed; if anything, it makes it easier to fail! So instead of saying I can’t do something I’m going to get real with myself while standing in front of the mirror each morning and giving myself a bit of a pep talk; give it a try if you’re feeling doubtful:

    “You can do this if you want to do it. You are capable if you are willing.”

    I’ve found that having a bit of faith in yourself is enough to make it through the busiest, most hectic days.

 

What did you guys learn this week? Leave a comment and let me know!

-LP

Being Strong is for the Weak: How to Handle the Bad Days

I don’t know about you, but sometimes life is just so damn hard.

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I can’t even begin to explain how many times I’ve felt like life is getting the best of me; let’s just say, it happens enough for me to be pretty damn sick of it. But, I must admit, life has been pretty damn near perfection lately. That being said, I totally understand how it feels to be overcome with the feelings of despair and hopelessness. I’ve been there and I know how hard it can be to look on the bright side. Hell, sometimes there just isn’t a bright side!

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, unhappy, or just plain depressed, here are some tips for when the wind just won’t blow away the storm clouds that hover above:

Change it up. I know, I know. Change is basically the last thing you want to do when life is kicking you right in the (lady) balls, but if what you’re doing is not generative, does not make you feel happy, and gives you no sense of joy whatsoever, STOP DOING IT. Plain and simple.

Leave toxic people, thoughts, and situations in the dust. I mean it. If you’re around people who make you feel like crap or are just super negative, it’s not going to help you to feel any better about your situation. You might think that their negativity won’t rub off on you, or that you’re already so damn depressed that nothing can make it worse; you’re wrong. Even if you don’t realize it, their attitudes affect you. People and our surroundings truly affect us in unimaginable ways, so why not surround ourselves with positivity and a support system that is both generative and affects us in a positive way?!

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.

– Robert Tew

Give yourself the “OK” to be sad. You don’t have to be strong every moment of every day. You’re not a robot! And if you are then, hey there, you snazzy robot you, how the bleep bleep bloop is it goin’? Anyway, you’re human (I think) so allow yourself to be vulnerable and accept the fact that being broken is part of life.

As always, if you’re feeling blue or you just need someone to talk to, do not hesitate to reach out.

You’ve got this!

-LP

Lazy Sunday Wisdom with Calvin and Hobbes

We’re keepin’ it short and sweet this week.

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Hobbes is the epitome of all that is perfection.

I mean.. he had to ask if the salmon was fresh before deciding whether or not to hand Calvin over to the monsters. Poor Cal, I’m sure he ended up going overboard. The salmon is fresh, so can you even blame Hobbes?! I sure can’t. Salmon is the bee’s knees.

Don’t tell my future kids, but if the monsters offer up a kitten to cuddle or some brownies to chow down on… well, let’s just say there will be one less mouth to feed at the table the next morning.

Kids, if you’re reading this sometime in the future, I love you more than kittens and brownies. Just a smidge, but that’s all it takes. 😉

-LP

If you’d like to read some more Calvin and Hobbes (let’s be real, who wouldn’t?!) click the link below.


P.S. Lazy Sunday Wisdom is so lazy it comes to you on Mondays.